Lost Someone
by Tokala
Summary: "There is no grief like the grief that does not speak". Written for the Christmas Fic Gift Exchange on CCOAC for pandorabox82. Prompts: snow, carollers and Christmas church service.


_A/N: Just in the nick of time... 'ere we go... this was written as part of the Christmas Fic Gift Exchange on CCOAC for pandorabox82, I hope you have a great Christmas with all your loved ones and wish you a good start into the New Year! I hope I did your prompt sort of justice..._

_The assigned pairing was Rossi/Straus and prompts were: "Let all mortal flesh keep silence" (not used), snow, carollers and Christmas church service. It turned out a bit – well, no...rather: very – sad, but the idea didn't leave me alone (maybe that was because I lost someone very dear to me this year)... if you happen to stop by and read it, I'd love to hear what you think! _

_And my usual add-on: English isn't my first (nor second) language so my vocabulary, grammar and/or wording might be off in places and I usually randomly mix American and British expressions, but... I keep trying..._

**Lost Someone**

He'd been watching the young woman for a while now, ever since she'd snuck out of the church service. She'd sat close to him, in the back of the only sparsely visited church, her blond hair gleaming in the light of the many candles that had been lit to remember those that had passed on. That's how he'd first noticed her. He'd only ever know one other person with hair like that. So when she'd quietly left shortly before the service was over, he'd followed her outside. She'd been standing there for ages, wrapped in a thick winter coat and scarf. Only her blonde head was visible. He could see that she was talking to _her_, but he was too far away to hear what she was saying…

"It's considered bad manners eavesdropping on people…" Her voice suddenly pulled him from his thoughts and he found those oh so familiar ice blue eyes looking him over – not critically, like they'd often done in the past, but rather curiously. "Agent Rossi, I presume…" She continued when he didn't reply right away. He could only nod.

"How do you know…?"

"Ah, believe… I might have been out of the country most of the time, but I _have_ heard about you." She replied, smiling wryly, before the smile slipped from her face and she sighed. "So, what has brought you here this evening? It seems people usually don't go to church anymore on this day these days."

"I've come here because….well, I thought…I don't know…after all that has happened…" He stumbled on his words and then trailed off when he noticed how foolish he sounded. The woman seemed to understand however.

"I see." She turned around and motioned for him to follow her. "Will you walk with me for a bit…?" She asked and he quickly nodded catching up to her. For a while the snow crunching under their feet was all that was heard as they walked in silence over the frozen ground.

"You must have been wondering why I was here as well." The blonde suddenly broke the silence. She took a deep breath. "I and mother never got along well. I do think I she must have called me the black sheep of the family on numerous occasions. And good god, I don't want to remember the things I called her when we last saw each other." She paused before quietly continuing. "This is my first Christmas without her though and… god only knows why… I miss her." She admitted.

"I do not think she thought of you as the black sheep." He objected. "Your picture was always front and centre on her desk. And the last time she mentioned you she said she hoped that one day she would have grandchildren to tell your stories to." The woman seemed surprised.

"She did?" Her face suddenly crumpled and a sad look appeared on her face. "It seems we've always talked at cross purposes… and here I always thought she saw me as nothing more than a good-for-nothing gadabout. She was livid when I bailed out of MIT. She never mentioned… did you know I usually called her a bureaucratic suck-up? I never ever told her that I actually admired her for sticking to her principles."

"I'm sorry. It seems much unhappiness comes to the world because of things left unsaid." He offered commiserations. "You shouldn't think for one second that she wasn't fiercely proud of you." The blonde managed a half-smile.

"Thank you for trying to make me feel better Agent Rossi. It does seem my mother's opinion of you was correct. And seeing you here today has proven that."

"Come again? I am not sure I understand you… according to her I was a womanizing bastard with a doubtful taste who would always antagonize her and never stay in line." The woman stopped and stared at him.

"You think that was what she actually thought of you?"

"Well…" He began, but she cut him off.

"I know she would never have told you this herself, but she actually admired you… according to her you were indeed a constant pain in her backside and she complained about you so many times that I lost count and yet… believe me I may have misjudged my mother in our relationship but seeing her dealing with others… I've known her closer than most and I can tell you for sure that there was more than meets the eye to her opinion of you. In fact…." She stopped and turned to look at him once more, before she quietly asked: "…why do you think did she take that bullet for you?"

He felt uncomfortable, had hoped she wouldn't bring _this_ up. Hell, he still hadn't fully processed what had happened himself…

"I'm not sure…" He admitted. "Sometimes I think it would've been better if she hadn't…"

"Do not ask you the _what if_ Agent Rossi, for I know she would do it again in a heartbeat." The woman paused, obviously unsure if she should continue. "I know you and my mother didn't have an easy past…and… well I do not know about everything that happened between you and her but… I think… somewhere along the lines she'd grown _very _fond of you."

"That's..." He began incredulously.

The mere idea was ridiculous… and yet he remembered those last fateful seconds. Those ice blue eyes blue eyes, already blurred and unfocused. The trembling hand clutching his tie. _David, I … never…_

"Oh, god…" He groaned. "I never… we did get along better in recent times, but… if only I had…" His voice broke, his shoulders slumped. The blonde regarded him sadly.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid, no?" He could only nod, fearing his voice would fail him. The young woman reached for his hand and gently squeezed. "I think you should go back. Talk to her as I did before. Because I think Shakespeare was right when he said, that the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." She said, before rummaging around in hear coat pocket, pulling out a small card and passing it on to him. "Here. If ever you happen to be in London, ring me up." He nodded.

"I will."

"I'm glad to hear it. I hope the next time we meet shall be under better circumstances. Good night, Agent Rossi." The blonde nodded as a gesture of farewell and crossed the street. David Rossi watched Evelynn Strauss stroll down the street, past the carollers at the street corner, until she was swallowed by dark winter's night. Then he turned around and headed back into the direction they had come from. The snowfall had nearly obliterated their footprints, but he quickly found his way back to the cemetery and that one grave. He gently placed the small white lily that he'd been holding all this time at its base.

"I miss you." He choked, tears blurring his eyes, wondering if she could hear him – wherever she now was.

_Here lies_

_Erin Strauss_

_Who gave her life in the line of duty_

_To live in the hearts we leave behind,_

_Is not to die_


End file.
